I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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