Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
