i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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