I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
now i know why i became what i already was.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
