Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
