He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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