the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
