Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize