Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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