somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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