i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
