when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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