I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
