What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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