I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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