He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
