I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize