The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
