I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
