her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
