How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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