Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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