I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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