PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
