So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
