just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
