I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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