spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
