Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
