The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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