i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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