Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
