I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sarcasm needs its own font
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
