Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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