You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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