He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
