Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
