I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
3pm strippers are depressing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
