You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
