just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have fence marks all over my body
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
