dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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