If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
