What a fucking waste of an outfit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
