She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize