Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
