So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
