dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
