I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
