sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
