While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
