I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
