He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
