Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
