Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
