Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize