I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
