then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
