I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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