Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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