two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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