hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize