Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
