when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
