At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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