I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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