He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
