Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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